2001-03-21 - 08:21 a.m.

I have been sitting on this entry for a few days, but I decided that it was ok to put up. Following is my take on dealing with someone at close range who dislikes me intensely...

Is there a person from your past that hates you? Or, because hate is such a strong word, actively dislikes you? I have a person like that. Normally I don�t think too much about her, but I saw her this weekend (our social spheres cross quite frequently).

I always find our reactions to each other interesting. We are both acutely aware of each other�s presence. We both make a concerted effort to avoid each other entirely. If that isn�t possible, we most definitely do not speak or make eye contact.

If we both spent the rest of our lives casually ignoring each other, that would be fine. I could thrive under circumstances like that. Unfortunately, she has taken it upon herself to take her dislike of me to the next level.

While she never confronts me directly, she does make a point of saying truly horrible things about me. Again, I would not take too much issue with this, but she says these things to mutual acquaintances. It is like she is trying to get them to choose sides.

What they would be choosing sides over I am not sure. She is no longer a part of my life. I am happier and better off without her kind of �friendship�. I don�t care if other people are friends with her. I just would not choose to involve myself in a group activity that she was involved in. This is not difficult or complex to me.

It seems that for her people cannot be friends/acquaintances with both of us. She seems to go out of her way to say nasty things to people she notices I have been talking to.

I know that sounds paranoid. But, more people than I care to count have had her engage them in conversation and then had her steer the conversation so that she could spew her vitriol about me.

If she truly desires to make me uncomfortable, this is a great passive-aggressive way to do it. Because she essentially forces their hand, the person either confronts me, or they back away until they figure out that she is incredibly biased and bitter.

When I realized (about 3 years ago) that she wasn�t going to move beyond her active dislike of me, I made a very conscious decision that I would not say a single bad thing about her to anyone, especially not in public! I did this for two reasons. First of all, I am an adult and have moved on with my life. I have no desire to relive the past and make drama where none exists. Secondly, I decided that I could be the bigger person and swallow any bad feelings.

This swallowing of bad feelings has been very beneficial to me. Quite frankly I just don�t worry about her anymore and do my best to wish her nothing but happiness. I also have tried very hard to look at the big picture.

I believe that in the greater scheme of things, our shared acquaintances will eventually get tired of her saying all of the horrible things she says. Time has a way of soothing things and making them easier to bear. It has been over five years since we had our falling out. The people we both know will lose their patience with her. They will see (as I do) that it is time for her to let go and enjoy her life.

Because we travel in the same social spheres, and I seriously doubt either one of us is going to stop; I look forward to the day that she can accept my presence by not letting it ruin her good time. Goodness knows she doesn�t ruin mine!

Until Next Time...

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