2002-12-04 - 12:48 p.m.

I finished my last final on Monday. I am happy to be done with the quarter. It was a wonderful and stimulating intellectual experience. My personal world was not so hot though. Things got exponentially better with Cor. But, my financial well being hit rock bottom.

I am so tired of being this poor. I know that I made the conscious choice to go back to school full time. But, when I did, it was with the understanding that I would have financial support. For various reasons that I am too bored with to delve into yet again, I am not in the position of being supported. I am trying to figure out how to support myself and go to school. It is not easy, especially since I am trying to do it while I am attending classes. I just hope that I will be able to find something quickly now that the quarter is over and I am in a better position to really look.

Now that I don't have final projects, exams, etc. to occupy my mind, I seem to have plenty of time to dwell on my current situation. I am working hard not to get too far into the whole "poor me" line of thought. It isn't easy though. I do feel sorry for myself. I just can't indulge myself in the pity party to the point that it paralyzes me. That would be exceedingly bad for me. But it is so tempting and so easy to indulge. To just whine to myself all day long about how difficult and pathetic my life is.

To combat the pity party, I am setting small goals for myself. Things like sending out resumes every day, setting housecleaning tasks, and for tomorrow going to yet another temp agency to sign up and get my name and skills out there.

Fortunately, I have not fallen so deeply that I don't know just how lucky I am. In the grand scheme of things my life is pretty darn great! I have a roof over my head, food on the table, the opportunity to do what I am passionate about, amazing people who love and support me (and even lend me money with no grumbling), and a bright future. So, this whole no job, no money thing is really just a tiny bump in the road. Right?

Tonight I have a pot-luck at WW. We are doing a little thank you dinner for our volunteers. I am making Shepherds Pie out of the Weight Watchers Simply Delicious cook book. It looks very tasty and it will be at least some what healthy for everyone to sample. I think that the pot-luck should be fun. I am looking forward to spending a little extra time with some pretty terrific people.

I can hardly believe that it is December already! The holiday season is here. I am not sure that I am so much in the spirit yet. I am trying though. Generally I love this time of the year. I will get myself get kicked into gear one way or the other though. I think that it will be much easier to feel in the spirit when I have cleaned up my apartment, found my Christmas decorations, and started to put them up. As the apartment gets more Christmasy, I will too!

Until Next Time...

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