2003-04-25 - 7:53 p.m.
After much hair pulling and hours of histrionics, real work on my thesis has begun. I have started logging many library hours and my pages of notes are piling up nicely. I am still scared out of my mind by the entire process. But at least the process is underway.
I have to admit, I am not enjoying this process. Not even for one minute is it the way I envisioned. It is all much uglier. It lacks glamour. It often smells like it needs a shower. Ugh. Ugh I say.
More often than not as I slog away on my research, I seriously wonder if I am going to be able to pull this off. I wonder if this is going to be the project where my professors discover me for the fraud I am. I wonder if this is the time to admit to my parents that I am not nearly as together, smart, and with-it as they seem to think I am. More often than not I feel like a sniveling, wailing lump of failure.
On the bright side, I have heard that this is a normal way to feel. I hope so. I hope that I will be able to pull this off. I have to Ė how could I hold my head up if I didnít?
I know this all sounds like doom and gloom, but it isnít. I am just feeling punchy after several hours in the library. And the weekend forecast is at least 4 hours in the library on both Saturday and Sunday.
Wish me luck.
Until Next TimeÖ