2003-04-09 - 11:06 p.m.
As it dawns on me just how large a project my thesis is going to be, I am having a major crisis of confidence. I hope that all of the self-doubt and tearing out of hair are a normal part of the process. What have I gotten myself into? What if I fail? What if I make it through, but am unhappy with the quality of my paper? What if? What if? What if? I am feeling plagued with what ifs. I have allowed myself to sink deep enough into this worry that I have put myself at a standstill. I have fallen behind my self-imposed schedule. Now I not only need to find a way to jump-start my confidence, but also to jump start my ability to concentrate and get my work done.
I think that I am going to call my doctor and get a referral to a therapist. I need some help working through things. I am allowing myself to get too caught up in self-doubt, which can all too easily turn into self-loathing. I can't afford to let that happen.
I really have to graduate in June. The only way I can do that is to complete my darn thesis.
Time to practice breathing. Inhale...Exhale...Inhale...Exhale. I can do this. I am the little engine that could. I hope.
Until Next Time...